Hello friends,
Thanks to everyone who gave me strength and prayed for my family when my mom passed away on Sep-14th. Your presence, phone calls and msg’s helped me overcome what have happened.
My mom is my biggest inspiration and I’m sure I will make her proud with the value which she had taught me during her life time. She served as a Govt school teacher during her life time. In 2006, she was affected by cancer and she don’t want to resign her job and continued to serve as a teacher till her retirement in May, 2011.
Once again, thanks everyone for your prayers and support. You are my greatest wealth I have earned in my lifetime!
Ch1blogs is always one of my best friend where I share what I feel. Few days after my mom passed away, some of my friends sent me a text message to blog about the important lessons I have learnt from my mom. They have met my mom during few Everest visits and have been inspired by her. Hence decided to blog few moments which I are close to my heart and the important values and lessons that she taught to me.
The missing child
My mom put me in a new school during my 7th std. The school is 15kms from my native Arni. On the first day of the school, my dad helped me get on the right bus to go to school. I too got down at the right bus stop and reached the school. But my mom was anxious that her child might be struggling to find the bus stop. So, she asked one my relative to go and check in the school whether I have reached there or not. When my relative came to my class room, I was some where else. Don’t know exactly where I went. So, my relative went back home and told my mom that I was missing. She got even more scared.
My dad had told me earlier that there was a bus at 4.30pm and if I catch that, I can reach home by 5.15pm. But, actually the bus was at 4.20pm and my school gets over only by 4.30pm. So, its impossible to catch that bus. The next bus is only at 5.15pm. Since it was my the first day to the school, no one knew about this. So, everyone was expecting my arrival at 5.15pm in Arni. But it was only that time I started from my school. So, when 4.30pm bus arrived at my native, my relatives found me missing and my mom started to cry.
My dad consoled my mom by telling that I will be coming in the next bus. They were in a plan to give a police complaint if I don’t reach Arni in next bus. Unaware of what was happening in my home, I boarded the 5.15pm bus and reached Arni by 6pm. Seeing me, my dad told that my mom is crying and took me to my home in all haste. Seeing me, my mom gave me a big hug and a dozen of kisses. Immediately, she moved to kitchen to make Boost for me identifying that I’m hungry. I wonder how moms identify their child’s hunger in a matter of seconds!
That’s the first day I saw my mom crying. Probably that is the first day, I realized that how much my mom loves me.
The smart kid
I was not a smart kid during my school days (Even now). I use to score less than 7th rank. Preferably 5th. During my school days, I used to read my marks to my mom before handing over the report card. I used a very smart strategy here. I started with subjects where I scored less marks and would go in ascending order. That way, I could mention the subject with maximum mark at the last. I feel that way, I can escape the mom’s scolding for scoring less marks in other subjects. But my mom never scolded me, instead, she proudly told my relatives that I always tell the highest scored mark at the last. I Don’t know why that makes her proud. May be other kids don’t do the same!
Even when I scored 2 centums in Chemistry during my plus2, I told it last and I still remember that smile in her face and her happiness. She immediately took a spoon of sugar and put it in my mouth.
The last kiss
It’s on Aug-6th, 2011. She was admitted in Kasthuribai hospital in Chinnalapatti, Dindugal dt. due to her illness. I went there with my certificates which I recieved the previous day during the ch1blogs 5th anniversary function. I showed the certificates to my mom who was bed ridden by that time. I told her that I got the maximum no of awards and also got the ‘Most valuable blogger award’ which is the most prestigious blogger award in Cognizant. She told that she is very proud of me and happy to get a son like me. She gave me a kiss on my cheeks. I don’t remember the last time she kissed me before this, but this is the last kiss I got from her.
What I learnt from her?
What i’m today is because of her. There are so many things I learnt from her. Especially in the past two years when she was severely affected by cancer.
Her passion for teaching: She was 1st diagnosed with mouth cancer in 2006. At that time she was working as a headmistress in a school in a village called Sirumoor, Tiruvannamalai dt. She got treatment in Adyar cancer institute, Chennai and recovered. She only took medical leave and joined the duty after her treatment. Again in 2009, she was diagnosed with abdomen cancer. This time she was not able to eat anything. Anything that she ate, she vomited it immediately. The doctors told that the cancer cannot be removed since it has spread already. However, a bypass surgery was done for her to intake food. Post surgery, my brother and I requested my mom to get voluntary retirement. But, she refused. She don’t want to sit idle in home. She wanted to continue her teaching profession till her retirement.
I didn’t want to force her any more. She continued to serve as a school headmistress and retired in May, 2011. You can look at the picture which is taken during her retirement function in the school. It will help you understand how much fight she has put to continue her teaching profession despite her illness.
Happy for family – When she was admitted in Adyar cancer institute in 2009, she told me that she was a very lucky girl for getting such a caring husband and 2 good sons who do not have any bad habits. She didn’t think about anything else. It made me think whether is that all a women expects in her life – A good husband and a child? It made me think how simple and great women are!
No one is an enemy – This is one big attitude I got from her. I have never seen my mom pointing out someone and talking bad about them. She never treated anyone as an enemy. Even when some of our relatives had a fight with my mom and didn’t speak with her, she never treated them as her enemy. Instead, she opened a LIC policy for their daughter whose parent refused to spoke with my mom. Her love for others doesn’t change based on how they react or respond
Eat well – When my mom got married to my dad, she had the responsibility to take care of my dad’s sisters (3 of them) and arrange marriage for them. Since my dad is the eldest son to my grandparents, being his wife meant many responsibilities. It was a big joint family that time. So, she use to cook for all of them before leaving to school. Even later days, she cooks for my dad, brother and me and have food at the last (Mom’s are same everywhere!). She checked the clock often to ensure that she was not running not late for school. If it is getting late, she took less food and left to school on time.
Years later, she regretted that her illness is because of not having proper food during her young days. She requested me to have food on time and to not compromise on it. So, my dear IT friends, please have food on time. If you reject food now, food will reject you in future.
Be kind – I cannot get a better example to quote than this. 3 days before she passed away, we bought her from Chinnalapatti (Dindugal dt) to Chennai in an Omni van. She is terribly sick and she cannot sit or even sleep. Even sleeping is a lot of pain for her since she is very thin (Close to 20Kgs). She takes only liquid food ( 3 or 4 cups of boost or coffee or ProteinX a day). Very difficult for her to speak due to lack of energy. She speaks hardly 50-100 words a day. Even at that time, after reaching Chennai, she asked me to call the Omni van driver. Once he came, my mom lying in bed, opened her mouth with a lot of pain and told ‘Thanks’. What more can I say? She is like that! A down to earth human!
Speak out – Whatever the issue is, my mom sits and speak with concerned people to understand what have happened and try to resolve the problem. She always think what’s next and never regretted for the past!
Respect for God – She had high respect for God. She believe hard work combined with God’s blessing is more powerful than mere hard work or prayers. 3 months back we took her to Tirupathi and from there she directly came to Chennai and stayed with me for a week. During her stay, I arranged a call taxi and took her to an Amman temple in KK Nagar, Baba temple in ECR and to the church in Besant nagar. For her, all God is same. She respects all religion. 5 days before she passed away, she wants to take her to the Kamatchi amman temple, our family deity (Kula theivam). When took her in a van and from the entrance of the temple, we took her in a wheelchair. She is not even able to raise her hands to pray the God. After reaching in, she requested my dad to keep kumkum in her forehead. That’s something she wants my dad to do all the time!
Be confident – She is the height of confidence. Till her last day, I have not seen her loosing even an inch of confidence. When she was admitted in Adyar cancer hospital in 2009 there was a 3 years old kid fighting cancer in the same room where my mom’s bed is. She use to point out that girl and tell me, when she is able to fight cancer, why not I? She took that little girl as her inspiration to fight cancer.
Taught me what a relationship is – Sep-2 is her wedding day. My dad gifted her a gold ring for the wedding anniversary. When I met her last time, I asked who gave her the ring. She replied as her lover pointing out my dad! Adding to it, she told that my dad’s love have never changed even a bit from day-1 to till date. It made me understand what a relationship is. My parents taught me what a relationship is!
I would like to thank so the following people for keeping my mom happy during her stay in this world.
1. Thanks to my Dad. He stayed awake full night sitting near to her bed when she is sick. He rarely slept during those tough days. Without his love and care, my mom might have suffered a lot. Thank you Dad!
2. Thanks to my brother and all my relatives who keep enquiring her health and motivating her all the time.
3. Thanks to the doctors, staff members of Adyar Cancer Institute who were very kind to my Mom and our family members. They are doing a very great service to humanity. Simply great!
4. In 2009, when she was admitted in Adyar cancer institute, they told boys cannot stay with her since it is a ladies ward. It will take atleast one night for some of my relatives to reach Chennai. Thanks to Everest volunteer and my friend Subbulakshmi who came and stayed with my Mom in the hospital for one full night taking care of her. Words fail to appreciate her timely help.
5. Thanks to all the God’s who gave strength to my Mom to fight cancer.
6. Thanks to all my friends (All Everest volunteers are my friends too!) who donated blood for my Mom in Adyar cancer institute in 2009.
7. Thanks to my friend and Mom Malathi (I call her mom because of the infinite care she shows to me) who stayed with my Mom during her last 2 days. She worked full days in office and kept awake at night to take care of my Mom. My Dad and Mom considered Malathi as her daughter. She was with my Mom when she gave her last breathe. Here, I also thank my friend, roommate and sweet brother Rajan who helped all of us to pack things and get set to go to native when my Mom passed away on Wednesday morning.
8. I would like to thank all my Everest friends and volunteers who came to my home in Pallavaram to meet my Mom, a day before she passed away. She was very happy to meet all of them. Many of the Everest volunteers know my Mom well in person
9. Finally, I would like to thank all my beloved friends who prayed for her well being. Without your support, my Mom might not have survived cancer so far. Thanks for everyone’s prayer and support. You are my strength!
As per her wish and my dad’s wish, we donated her body to Theni medical college. This is only the 7th body donation to the college in the past 5 years. The below paper clipping may share more details about it (Click on the image to enlarge it).
When I went to Theni medical college for medical donation, I took these pictures:
(Anatomy means study of human body)
By writing this post, I feel like spending few hours with my mom now. I’m sure with all the values she has taught me, I will make her proud as much as possible.
Before ending this blog, just wanted to share an incident which I cannot forget.
It was in 2009. She was in Arni. Whatever my mom ate, she vomited. It continued for 3 days. Then, she went and met few local doctors and no one is able to diagnose what had happened! It is more than 8 days now that she had something in her stomach. We brought her to Chennai Apollo for a complete health check up. After the check up, the Apollo doctors diagnosed something wrong in her stomach and told us to take her to Adyar Cancer institute. In Adyar, they confirmed it as Abdomen cancer and we admitted her on the 10th day and she was put on drip.
Since it is a women’s ward, I was not allowed to be with my mom in nights. So, I went home and came the next day morning. It was almost 10 days back that she had her last food. When I went to see her, the first question she asked was ‘Did you had breakfast?’. Just hearing this, my eyes was filled with tears. There was a lady who last ate 10 days back and when she saw his son, the first thing she asks his is about his breakfast! How can she be like this?
I did not want to cry in front of her, came out and just sank in to a thought – ‘Is mom a God?’. If you ask me, I will tell ‘Yes’.
Mom is Love. Mom is God.
P.S: This blog post is dedicated to all mom’s in this world. If you think, this blog post have touched your heart, go back home and give her a hug and kiss. If she is far away, give her a kiss over the phone. If she is not alive, close your eyes and tell ‘I love you’ to your mom.
In all the means, she will feel it. Let me know once you have done that. I will be the happiest person in this world to hear that!
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